Breathe you in
by xredSunburstx
Summary: Dr. Arizona Robbins lost one of her patients and she can’t take it to lose another one. A part of Seattle Grace is catching fire. Will Callie lose Arizona?


Summary: Dr. Arizona Robbins lost one of her patients and she can't take it to lose another one. A part of Seattle Grace is catching fire. Will Callie lose Arizona?

**Chapter 1**

She knew this would happen. She also knew both of them shouldn't be in this room, both fighting for the same thing: his life.

She has spent hours now, trying to fix everything. She has spent hours thinking and doing what she was told to do, even she knew it was the wrong thing.

"We will celebrate your birthday, Wallace!" She has told him a few days ago, a promise she couldn't keep and now everything seems to change.

She knew it was over, but she didn't want to eventually believe it. No, she couldn't let him go. She just couldn't.

Her heart broke, as she heard the other doctor say: "Time of death 6.30."

"No… NO!" She said out loud, over and over again to let him, to let god know, that she wasn't ready yet to give him up. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be. He shouldn't be.

"Dr. Robbins…" he tried softly, trying to stop her fighting for a life she couldn't save, but she didn't want to listen. She wasn't someone who gave up that easy. Not now.

"I can't see another coffin… I can't see another coffin…" She whispered, until she screamed: "He isn't dead yet!" surprising every one around her. She wasn't the one for giving up, but she also wasn't the one for screaming either.

Hopelessly she tried to get him back by shocking his heart with a small machine, which felt like her second hands. She was taking a hold of his life. Hopelessly. She did it, again and again, but nothing happened.

"This can't be happening. No, this can't be really happening… Please, don't take him…"

She pleaded, the words repeating in her head.

Every time she lost someone here, she was praying, her heart, aching, and she crucified herself for not being able to save a life.

Her mind wandered to the girl she was falling so deeply in love, wishing she would come to get her, to save her, to take her body, her life in her hands, to keep her from falling apart. But she wasn't there. How should she even know how she was feeling? She knew, she wasn't even struggling with Wallace life, but even with her own. Although she was still alive something felt different.

She knew what was going to happen; even her heart wished it wasn't the truth. She new she couldn't escape this time or hide her real feelings and her thoughts. Sometimes it wasn't quite that simple.

Finally she managed to say it out loud with her voice shaking, her eyes filling with tears. She knew it was her fault. She knew she has killed this boy on both of their birthdays.

"Happy Birthday, Wallace…" She whispered bitterly, while touching his head, stroking over his short hairs, looking at him directly a last time, whispering a simple "I'm sorry…" before she rushed out of the room, trying to escape.

"Another coffin…"

This time she couldn't be happy. This time she couldn't pretend. This time she couldn't just hide her true feelings. This time her mind was racing so wildly, until she thought it'd break, like her heart broke once.

* * *

"_What is wrong with you?"_

"_What?"_

"_We just took a liver from a little kid, a dead little kid. And you don't even care! You are talking about rainbows and relationships and crap. What the hell is wrong with you?" Alex asked her annoyed. _

_She wasn't really surprised. A lot of people have asked her things like that. How could someone be happy like that, even her father had died just a couple of weeks ago? She knew the answer. Pretending was easy. Showing your true feelings was hard. How should she cope without pretending, with all the pity and mercy they would give to her? How should she go on living? _

_She didn't know and even now she couldn't show her true feelings, because they would destroy her._

"_You don't think I know that they just pulled a plug on a kid? You don't think I get that?" She was swallowing, her face losing all the happy – pretending. _

"_You don't think I know about the tiny, tiny coffin they're gonna stick him in? I know about the tiny coffins. I see them all the time… in my sleep. So if you don't mind, I'm gonna keep talking about relationships and rainbows and crap and I'm gonna make plans, because that's what you do a Karev. You make plans. You have to. You turn your backs on the tiny coffins and you face forward to the next kid." _

_She was looking away after telling someone the truth. _

_She was looking away to hide the tears rolling down her cheek._

_Another coffin…_

* * *

As she walked to her girlfriends flat she felt tired, numbly and restless. She didn't know how she was able to made it, how her feet's could take her when she could hardly breathe.

It was late in the evening and her head felt like it'd explode. It was her birthday, but she felt like it was the day she died. And with Wallace death a part of her really left her body, like every time a patient died, like many years ago.

All she wanted to do was seeing Callie, breathing her in, and kissing her, being comforted by her touch and her sweetness. All she wanted was to escape all the bed feelings and being held through the night, like she held Callie, while she cried over her Dad's reaction.

But she was sure Callie was already sleeping. Maybe she should has come back earlier and not sitting on a small park bench, lonely, in the dark, crying her heart out. But maybe it was the best way, to be strong now. But anyway, she didn't want to be strong, she want to be loved, though she was breaking into pieces.

As she opened the door, she could hear her breathe. It was the first time she was able to form a small smile with her lips. Minutes went by until she stepped near the couch, laying down her keys, waking her girlfriend with this.

Callie was startled, babbling to cheer her up, but Arizona wasn't even listening. All what she had in her mind were a few simple words, telling her all she felt for the girl opposite her, who tried to do everything to make her happy. Her heart was pounding, full of unspoken pain and full of soon speaking love.

"I love you." She finally said with a faint smile.

Whenever she thought she would give up, she just had to see Callie and her beautiful smile. Her pain wasn't away, but now she was able to breathe again.

"You do?"

"I do…" she replied simple, tears forming in her eyes. She was waiting, even she would never want Callie to say these three words without meaning them completely she just wished she would hear them tonight. She needed them to fix her soul, just a little bit.

Like Callie knew how Arizona felt, she was standing up, going straight to her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and comforting her with soft kisses.

"I love you too…" She whispered, giving Arizona all she needed.

But as much she felt love and joy rushing through her veins, she also felt an overwhelming pain in her heart.

She knew she needed to forget, just this night.

"How are you?" Callie asked soft, stroking her blond hair.

Even she felt comforted, it wasn't the right thing to ask when she tried to forget that badly.

But she looked up, right into Callies dark eyes, knowing that she needed her very close. Therefore she pressed her lips hard on her girlfriend's, sucking her tongue into her mouth, passionately. Her hands wandered to her wrist, pulling her clothes over her head, until Callie was standing right in front of her, only wearing her red underwear.

She was biting her lips, feeling the arousal burning up. It didn't take long, until she kissed her again, but even Callie was replying to her touch, it felt like the other girl wasn't there.

Suddenly she pushed Arizona firmly away, to look her in the eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you doing this because Wallace died? Are you just doing this because you are depressed?" She wasn't angry, just concerned. Arizona knew it, but she could lie to her, telling her it's not like that. All she managed to say was the truth.

"I want you…" She replied, tears filling her eyes as she kissed Callie hard on the lips.

"And… I need you… I need you so badly…" Callie nodded, kissing her neckline and stopping right behind her ear. That was all she needed to hear.

"I need you to…" She replied hardly audible and pushing Arizona hard against the wall, never breaking their passionate and wanting kiss.

The blond girl wrapped her legs around Callies wrists, waiting for pleasure to come. She forget everything around her, just focussing on Callie, looking her straight into the eye, when she felt her hands at her tight, stroking her soft but also pressured. She first closed her eyes when she was coming over the edge, moaning and telling Callie the exactly same words over and over again.

"I love you… Oh god… I love you so much…"

AN: This was the first Chapter of my first Grey's Anatomy & Callie& Arizona Fanfiction. I really hope you liked it. If ya want me to continue just tell me and I will continue! I'm really looking forward to your reviews!

I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes. English isn't my mother language, therefore nothing is guaranteed. But I really enjoy writing English, so I hope you enjoy reading my English stuff ;-)

Have a nice day every one!

-Sun


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